I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
