I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
