i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
