just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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