You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
