Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
