We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
