I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
