She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
