I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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