Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
