The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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