I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
