She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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