I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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