Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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