I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
