Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
