dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
