he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
