Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
