Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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