I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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