I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
