Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
