oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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