Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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