just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
