we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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