am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
