How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
