you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
