you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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