she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
send nudes
from the living room?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
