worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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