Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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