Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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