i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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