Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
