are you so shy because you have an std?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
