I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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