He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
