did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
