Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
