u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
