Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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