I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
