And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
