oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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