I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
