You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
